jess joy lyrics

SOURCEHEIRESS

the other cheek

i’ll wash your dishes
i’ll wash your feet
yeah you can hit me
but don’t forget the other cheek

a thousand smiles for free
i’m your little wing
yeah you can hurt yourself
but you can’t hurt me

‘cause i’m low
as low as i can be
i’m low 
no home 
no god 
no job 
no dream

i’m lo o o o o o o o o o o ow
i’m lo o o o o o o o o o o ow
i’m low

now what can i do
if still he will not marry me?
and what do i got 
if not the american dream?

i got the pleasure of being!
i can breathe! 
i can sing!
i can dance! 
my heart still beats!
i imagine i have wings!

i’m low

as low as i can be
i’m low 
no home 
no god 
no job 
no dream

i’m lo o o o o o o o o o o ow
i’m lo o o o o o o o o o o ow
i’m lo o o o o o o o o o o ow
i’m lo o o o o o o o o o o ow
i’m low

my body 

my hands are tired
from clapping
i worshiped you i did
but i was unhappy
now i’m inventing a god
who doesn’t punish me
i’m alone
but i’m free!

now what do i do with my body?
you don’t own me 
what will i do with my body?
you can’t control me

what do i do with my body?
what am i for?
what will i do with my body?
now i’m not yours

and what is my shape 
beyond the mold made for me?
and what would i say 
beyond the words taught to me?

this is my sovereignty 
my finite energy
i’m alive
and i’m free!

now what do i do with my body?
you don’t own me! 
what will i do with my body
you can’t control me!
what do i do with my body?
what am i for?
what will i do with my body?

what do i do with my 
what will i do with my
what do i do with my
what will i do with my body?

i’m not yours anymore

little seed,

little seed,
lost in the soil
what do you need?

little seed,
crushed by the galaxy
what do you want to do?
will you be pink?
will you be blue?
or will you choose
your own hue?

i give you 
permission to
tell humans to

FUCK OFF

little seed,
little seed, 

bring me water

i’m made of clay
i shift shape
every day 
i’m changed
too much pain
i isolate 
i harden 
in hate

once my heart was soft and shy
now my heart is hard and dry
you can chisel you can hammer
or you could bring me water

i’m sentient
i’m delicate
i’m not your
entertainment

i need touch
but can i trust 
you won’t bring hurt—
you’ll bring love?

once my heart was soft and shy
now my heart is hard and dry
you can chisel you can hammer
or you could bring me water

once my heart was soft and shy
feel my heart it’s hard and dry
you can chisel you can hammer
or you could bring me water

i need i need i need your touch
i want i want i want to trust
i feel i feel i feel hurt
i heal i heal i heal my heart

i am i am i am source
i am i am i am source
i o i o i o i o i o i o 
i open up

lily of the valley

electric coils 
curve carve cave my spine
tendrils net nerves
knot my muscles tight 
i writhe for flight 
but they keep me inside

will i thrive
or will desire eat me alive?
finish me finish my 
ego die!

rare chemistry
i share abundantly 
drink up my cup of melody
sweet harmony 
now that’s what i call bravery
to sing along with suffering

i’ll take this gift:
sacred surgery 
i’m feral fearful 
i feel you soberly
you open up 
wicked wounds in me 
implanting the
lily of the valley

rare chemistry
she shares abundantly 
drink up her cup of melody
sweet harmonies
now that’s what i call bravery
to sing along with suffering

enough!

there is more than enough 
to care for everyone
you have more than enough
why don’t you care for us?

hi! 
i am the void
calling for collection
source of your compulsions
face your reflection: 
lovelessness, neglect, denying death
and hoarding our resources

you wanna drink smoke eat work fuck 
‘til you’re unconscious
i’ll wait ‘til you get back 
i’ll leave another message

wake up! you’re still a part of the fabric
you can’t leave it 
you must feel us

there is more than enough 
to care for everyone
we have more than enough
why don’t i care for us?

my friend, 
you’ve been dreaming 
money could replace love
and we’ve been living in your dream 
but the gig is up
look at what we’ve done

awake to a ferocious sun 
in rungs we brace for the storm
deployed by the rich
on the backs of the poor 
destroyer of worlds

there is more than enough 
to care for everyone
care for yourself
care for the earth
care for us
care for us!

finally blooming

unexpected 
pastel pink budding bloom
undetected
fingers reaching feeling for 
the summer moon

the grace
the strength it takes
to push up through
the terror  
the anger 
the fire 
the wound

uncorrupted 
by man-made toxicity
unaffected
by man-made masculinity 

you 
uncovered my emotional truth
you are gentle 
but who knew
i am too

finally blooming

thanks for watering me

resurrected 
roll back the stone from the tomb
reconnected
now i know what i’m here to do
you 
uncovered my emotional truth 
you are gentle 
and
i am too

finally blooming

thanks for
thank you
thanks for respecting
i mean
thank you for watering me

de comp o sition

angel, 
thank you sooo much for visiting me!
i want to give you something
it’s an heirloom 
your inheritance

please receive my 
everlasting 
unconditional
(((((love))))))

expressed through my 
de 
comp 
o 
sition 

we exist on an infinite continuum 
moving from dependent to independent
to interdependent and back again
my body is a shifting composition
a soft clay vessel holding source

my decomposition 
is a redistribution of that wealth
a pour
for source longs to be held 
and to be free
in cycles of tension and relief

how we delight in life—
in love’s tension
and how we grieve in death—
in love’s relief
like vibrating then quieting strings

we are organic and spiritual materials
and while our bodies may be separate
our spirits are weaved
decomposing i feel deeply 
the movement of strings

may my movement 
be a prayer:
darling,

i love you more
i love you more 
i love you more
i love you more
i love you more
i love you more
i love you more
i love you more
i love you more

SOURCEHEIRESS

i am lovable!
i am irreplaceable! 
i am a miracle! 
i am whole! 
i am precious! 
i am love manifested!

do you know
who you are
formless essence?
i am femmasculine 
sourceheiress

 we are made of mountain!
we are made of ocean!
we are our ancestor!
we are star plant and creature!
we are past! 
we are future!

do you know 
who you are
child guessing? 
you are wonderful!
a sourceheiress! 

remember your voice 
before the judgment 
remember your body 
before the measurement
remember your heart—
it’s still beating! 

i often forget
it does not diminish
it does not extinguish

(last three lines written by rosemary minasian)

PATREEARCHY

bless your name

i
am
at peace
with
e
very
liv
ing
thing
but you

&
that's
o
k
on 
most
e
very day
but not today

what an odd pour of poison!
when I punish me
curled in my cell
when every door is free 

what an odd pour of poison!
when I punish me
curled in my cell
when every door is free 

i bless your name
you're just a fragile thing
i no longer disdain
your fangs: your bane
they're your only way to react to
my big feet
& my big mouth
now frozen in snow 
from all their stompin' about

her0 

i don’t want to run in the RAT RACE
i don’t want to join the BOYS’ CLUB
i don’t want to be in the POWER SHOW
i just want to feel your love 

all my hope: i let it go
all control: i let it go
your pedestals: i let them go
my heroes: i let them go 

i don’t want to fight for your PIECE OF PIE
i don’t want live in YOUR SHADOW
i don’t want to be YOUR TROPHY WIFE
i just want to hold you close 

you neglect the feminine
i disrespect your indifference
watch me spit on your privilege
i recommit to my own presence

(((((((((((( LOVE ))))))))))))

 all my hope: i let it go
all control: i let it go
your pedestal: i let it go
my hero: i let you go

thrashold

i’m not making excuses for men anymore
since you told me your hands on my neck
make you feel in control
choke me 'til i cum, choke me 'til i die
ever wonder why taking my breath gives you life? 

threshold
thrashold
threshold of pain 

i’m not making excuses for white skin anymore
since we put our own knee on the neck of george floyd
not just one bad apple, the core is this:

THE TREE IS SICK!
THE TREE IS SICK!
THE TREE IS SICK!

gather 'round all ye supremacists
the time has come to make amends

REPENT!
REPENT!
REPENT!

apple of his i

my man: he don't want to marry me
my man: he ain't got the guts to marry me
& that's just fine
but why does he lie?

he says i am the apple of his eye
& yet he goes out every night
to take the tiniest of bites
from every apple in his sight
must be nice!
must be nice! 

my man: he don't like to clean things up
if something breaks, he would rather let me rust
& that's just fine
but why does he lie?

he says i am the treasure of his life
& yet he goes out every night
just like a shovel to a mine
to find a love that's new & bright
must be nice!
must be nice! 

well i can understand
a man who
when a lady asks his hand
would answer, no, no ma’am 

but i feel so dismayed
by a man who
when i caught the bride’s bouquet
would say, no, but maybe one day

tell me what is a one day?
where is a one day?
when is that day?

well, i’ll be damned

no, i don't blame you for thinkin' those thoughts
when the rain doesn't stop gettin' dry ain't so easy
& the thunder was too close for comfort that summer
& you couldn't seek shelter, such spells you were under

well, i'll be damned if it broke a woman like you
yeah, i'd be damned because i'm exactly like you

if you need some laughter
if you need some relief
call on me—i will answer
& by september you'll remember life is sweet

no, the apple don't fall far from THE TREE
when the roots are diseased, so are the seeds
but no one has seen more beautiful leaves
seasons change colors & so can we

i'll be damned if it broke a woman like you
yeah, i'd be damned because i'm exactly like you

if you need some laughter
if you need some relief
call on me—i will answer
& by september you'll remember life is sweet

sounds like such a ridiculous story, so i don't even know if it's right, but didn't you say your dad's mom had ten children? & that when she was 30 she got put into an asylum? & she never came out. [nods] ok, so that was true. your grandma? that was a true story. my great grandmother [her grandma]. o. yeah. did she spend the rest of her life in the asylum? mhmm. what was her name? y'all wanna go left? carrie bell robinson. carrie bell robinson? richmond. richmond? yeah. wowww. i think history's fascinating. it's fascinating to me. & did...was she able to see anyone or like talk to anyone or she was just like... yeah, they could just, like, see her, yeah. what sort of stuff did she do in the mental hospital? they probably gave her electric shock treatments & kept her medicated so that...she was probably sad. geez. did she do any sort of art or anything? good question! i found her grave. wow. it's in mississippi. & so your grandfather, i mean, your dad & his nine siblings were raised by his father? yeah, & then he remarried, he had a stepmom . o, he remarried? i don't even know her name... o, ok. i need to look into that. what was his dad like? his dad was just a hardworkin' man at a paper mill. interesting. wh—WHAT'S A MAN GONNA DO WITH TEN KIDS IN 1940?

a love song

monday i woke without fingers
it felt odd to be dismembered
like a clawless cat i kneaded & pawed
to my lover i purred & called

what happened in my sleep?
you said o, my sweet
you lost your fingers last september
do you do you do do you do you
do you not remember? 

i said o, well, i'll be!
i suppose i'll just learn to play guitar
with my teeth
& i will write a love song unto thee
how else can i keep you lovin' me? 

tuesday i woke without my teeth
gums as sleek as a toilet seat
like a baby i dribbled & drooled
to my lover i blubbered & mewld: 

what happened in my doze?
you said o, my rose
you lost your teeth last october
do you do you do do you do you
do you not remember? 

i said o, heaven knows!
i suppose i'll just learn to play guitar
with my toes
& i will write a love song unto thee
how else can i keep you lovin' me? 

wednesday i woke without my toes
can you guess where this story goes?
like a thunderstorm i clambered & poured
to my lover i stam
mered
&
mourned:

what happened in my dream?
I'M SO ANGRY
HOW THE FUCK
DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
you don't you don't you you don't you don't you
you don't see i'm hurting 

i said o! i'm torn apart
i suppose i'll just learn to play guitar
with my heart
& i will write a love song unto me
how else can i start lovin' me? 

silver dagger

don’t sing love songs, you’ll wake my mother
she’s sleeping here right by my side
& in her right hand a silver dagger
she says that i can’t be your bride

all men are false, says my mother
they’ll tell you wicked, lovin’ lies
the very next evening they’ll court another
leave you alone to pine & sigh

my daddy is a handsome devil
he’s got a chain five miles long
& on every link a heart does dangle
from another maid he’s loved & wronged

go court another tender maiden
& hope that she will be your bride
for i have been warned & i’ve decided
to sleep alone all of my life 

i think my mother was so brave, jessica. ya know, & if you know what was going on in 1950 with unwed mothers, you would think she was the bravest person you ever knew. because for nine months, & i'm gonna cry, for nine months she carried me & nobody knew. nobody knew until the day i was delivered. she didn't tell her father for almost three years. so granny never told you who your biological father was or what he did, she went to the grave with that secret, she had your birth certificate sealed. it was fine with me, jessica. my mother didn't marry him for a reason. you can read history about then, it was a terrible time for women...please. you married for money. you were kind of chattel. something was wrong with you if you didn't get married. i just think my mother was so brave & so strong. 

betwixt between

i looked left
i looked right
i looked up
i looked down 

i dug deep
i got high
i pushed through
i went around 

but i couldn’t find my truth
& it would be cruel
to blame that on you 

betwixt between
celibate / intimate
betwixt between
enmeshed / autonomous
betwixt between
platonic / erotic
betwixt between
lethargic / neurotic

i looked left
i looked right
i looked up
i looked down 

i dug deep
i got high
i pushed through
i went around 

but i couldn’t find my truth
& it would be cruel
to blame that on you 

betwixt between
celibate / intimate
betwixt between
enmeshed / autonomous
betwixt between
platonic / erotic
betwixt between
lethargic / neurotic

see from above
i tangle with those i love
it starts as a dance
then transforms to a web of demands
see how practice makes perfect
a pattern a mirror a circle a circuit
a magnet attraction / a polar detachment
so much distraction for so little traction
i took off towards my star on the hill
i looked down found i'm still on my treadmill 

this is my final story from purgatory

this is the string

met you in covid-19
figment of my computer screen
calm & kind remind me my
capacity to dream 

(((((((((((( DREAM ))))))))))))

i forgot 2016
when a reality tv
aristofuck made the cut
brought up all the worst in me 

in the nook between my head & my shoulder
i imagine the warmth of your cheek
the flavor of my fantasy
is salty with a pinch of sweet
my kiss is wet
THE SEA IS DEEP

from which i send a stream of love & longing

you're
you're a
hermit & a poet & a mystic & you know it
i ain’t saying that i’m hopin' you can heal me
we got our own paths, i’m on my way & all i ask is that you
lend me come on send me little dreams 

i don’t expect your love
i would predict a dove
to pass
by me

but if you’re curious
my heart is waiting in
the side
wing

 i’ve been busy blamin' others for the blood that only i can stop
who would put an apple on their head & tell 'em honey take a shot
i’m a lonely painter just like joni said i’m livin’ in a box
my body is a bubble & one morning this container’s gonna pop
the universe expands as i deplete this is my temporary length
this is my x this is my y THIS IS THE STRING!

 with which you have endeared yourself to me

permanent heaven

“all joy wants eternity—
wants deep, wants deep eternity”
& i’m jonesin’ for a permanent heaven

i’m homesick
but my home is sick
i search the sky for my chariot
but i don’t think it swings this low

those are the hills of the gods
who’d rather be worshipped than loved
i live in the valley of smog
& I'D RATHER DIE
than live without love

quote by nietzsche

finally blooming

unexpected
pastel pink budding bloom
undetected
fingers reaching feeling for
the summer moon
the grace the strength it takes
to push up through
the terror
the anger
the fire
the wound

uncorrupted
by man-made toxicities
unaffected
by made-made masculinity
you
uncovered my emotional truth
you are gentle
but who knew
i am too

finally blooming
thanks for watering me

resurrected
roll back the stone from the tomb
reconnected
now i know
what i’m here to do
you
uncovered my emotional truth
you are gentle
and
i am too

finally blooming
thanks for
thank you
thanks for respecting
i mean
thank you for watering me

mooon honey lyrics (all written by jess joy)

dreamlet

sideline

Down the yellow brick road
Where the poppies grow
I up and lost my mind
But darlin’ you’re doin’ fine
Yeah you’re out of sight
And I’m cheering you on
From the sideline
From the sideline
I send my love from the side

L.A. glows in golden sunshine
But I stay inside my invisible rain
Babe I’m a bucket of shame
Sure I’m drowning
But I’m still screaming your name
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Go on
Take it all the way

What more can I say
How about another cliche
I’m dead I dug my own grave
You’re gold life’s your domain
Yeah you’re gonna be famous
And I’m cheering you on
From the side

L.A. glows in golden sunshine
But I stay inside my invisible rain
Babe I’m a bucket of shame
Sure I’m drowning
But I’m still screaming your name
Hey hey hey
Hey hey Andrew
Go on!

I stopped by
While you were gone
Watered your plants
Fed our dog
Lay in your hammock
Under the sun
Smoked a cigarette
Left it burning in your lawn
Come on

univibe

Half-awake groping the darkness
Can’t remember who I lost or why
I’m feeling for the light switch
This is my experience of loneliness

My soul is always searching for you
Where are you? Where are you?
My soul is always searching for you
Where are you? Where are you?

Half agony half ennui
My life has lost its meaning
I’m coping biding my time
Miming the words I can’t find

My soul is always searching for you
Where are you? Where are you?
My soul is always searching for you
Where are you? Where are you?

Wait
Was that a spark?
Was that a hand on my heart?
No it was just a passing ghost
Another false hope
On I go
Wading through the strangers

just joy

I wasn’t born with a silver spoon
I was born with a knife in my mouth
And in this life
I am trying to pull it out
Surrounded by pleasures
I sulk in a silent trance
And who will ask
The girl in the bubble to dance

Will I wait for sympathy
Will I pray that a man will give it to me
Not this time
I vellicate rip wrench quake yank

I break out
In joy
I enjoy and I am enjoyed
Just joy

I wasn’t born unrestrained
I was born a link in a chain
From a mother whose mother’s mother was tamed

Will I wait for liberty
Will I pray that a man will give it to me
Not this time
I vellicate rip wrench quake yank

I break out
In joy
I enjoy and I am enjoyed
Just joy

Joy
I enjoy
I enjoy and I am enjoyed
Just joy

Joy
I enjoy
I enjoy and I am enjoyed
Just joy

we were

Imagine that it’s not where but how we move
Imagine that for joy is why we do
Explorations of heart
Lovers are dancers in the dark

Remember when we were kids
It was easy to be adventurous
Explorations of heart
We were lovers
We were dancers in the dark

I claimed I changed my favorite part of you
I chained I tamed your wild heart it’s true

Do I have to give it back?
I don’t want to give it back
Do I have to give it back?
I don’t want to give it back
I don’t want to give it back
I don’t want to give it back

I know I have to give it back

help me save our love

It woke but can’t get out of bed
(Call the doctor call the doctor)
Dear did you hear what I said?
(Fetch me water fetch water)

There’s no time to stand and wring our hands
No time to shame or blame each other and
No time for fighting
It is dying
Help me save our love
Help me save our love

Our love is living on fumes
(Pay your debts pay your debts)
We must do all we can do
(Pay your respects pay your respects)

There’s no time to stand and wring our hands
No time to shame or blame each other and
No time for fighting
It is dying
Help me save our love
Help me save our love

I still believe in you
Followed you through heaven and hell
I believe we can heal
If you meet me in the middle
Honey please
Meet me in the middle
Honey please
Meet me in the middle
Honey please
Meet me in reality

love leech

Are you the love of my life?
I was sure we were true
Why then has one become two?
How do I heal a wound
Which severed us through?

When I was a little girl
I dreamed of a boy who
Was so alive
I’d want to be alive too
But if pain is my glue
It’s no surprise it hurts to move
With and without you

Are you the love of my life?
I was sure we were true
Why then has one become two?
How do I heal a wound
Which severed us through?

Now I am a woman
And I grieve the boy who
Saw in me a light
Nobody else could
But my grip grew into
The constrict which served to prove
I was terrified to lose you

I won’t call on you
To be transfused no more
Please don’t call on me
To be consumed
There’s no closure to our catch 22
You can’t help you love a leech
I can’t help you are my dream
I wish I could set you free from all your hurting
You’ve got to bleed you’ve got to bruise
I’ve got to leave I’ve got to move
If I truly love you
And I do

Are you the love of my life?
I was sure we were true
Why then has one become two?
How do I heal a wound
Which severed us through?

what will

Watching the world go
From physical to virtual
Learning how to cope
With voyeuristic mind control

But what will happen to our souls
When we don’t need our bodies no more?
You may become immortal
But I’m too sentimental

Honey it is probable
I will choose to grow old
Live in the woods alone
Smoke contraband tobacco

What will happen to our souls
When we don’t need our bodies no more?
You may become immortal
But I’m too god damned sentimental

When your drone visits my home
I’ll miss your skin the touch I know
Like a warm viola bow
Still resonates my bones

But what will happen to our souls
When we don’t need our bodies no more?
You may become immortal
But I’m too sentimental

Mixed Media on Woman

Life Has No Meaning

to say life has no meaning is not to say it has no value
i’ve been watching monarchs warm their wordless wings for hours
i can live in love and never fear for our tomorrow

what will we spend our bottom dollar on
buy a lick of rye split that bit of bourbon
we heard better give it up to the lord
i threw it up it blew down the shore

what’s a dollar’s worth 
when we’re dogged in debt
and what is my life worth
if i don’t enjoy it

to say life has no meaning is not to say it has no value
i’ve been watching monarchs warm their wordless wings for hours
i can live in love and never fear for our tomorrow

what will we bet our bottom dollar on
once we scale the hill we’ll build another obstacle
quit romanticizing prized pinnacles
there is plenty in the valley to explore

what’s a dollar’s worth 
when we’re dogged in debt
and what is my life worth
if i don’t enjoy it

to say life has no meaning is not to say it has no value
i’ve been watching monarchs warm their wordless wings for hours
i can live in love and never

i can live in love
i can live in love
i can live in love
i can live in love
i can live in love
i can live in love

Betta Fish

win the betta red skinned winged fin iridescent dragon fighting fish
put a ping pong in the cup step right up good luck flush once all used up
suddenly pipe dream wet dream finally clean dead clean
toilet water warrior barbaric butterfly bath half moon mushroom monsoon

everything he wants is
disposable in America
everything he wants is
disposable in America

sticky chicken fingered whipper snapper o you know sloppy joe
one dime moonshine got drunk blew chunks no big deal on the whirl-o-wheel
corn dog deep fried southern fried pork rib boy pig grease bib scored big
won a betta winnebago loved that ruby like a fat wad loogie on a clean windshield

everything he wants is
disposable in America
everything he wants is
disposable in America
everything he wants is
disposable in America
everything he wants is
disposable in America

Mask Maker

i am the mask maker 
i am the mask maker 
mad glad bad sad

i am the mask maker 
i am the mask maker 
mad glad bad sad
mad glad bad sad

i am the mask maker 
i am the mask maker 
mad glad bad sad

i am the mask maker 
i am the mask maker 
mad glad bad sad
mad glad bad sad

i see my face reflecting think i’m drowning
underwater see the sky i’m flying
you said that you just want to get to know me
wonder if there’s such a thing as knowing
i see my face reflecting think i’m drowning
underwater see the sky i’m flying
you said that you just want to get to know me
wonder if there’s such a thing as knowing

i do wonder if there’s such a thing as me
i do wonder if there’s such a thing as you

i am the mask maker 
i am the mask maker 
mad glad bad sad
i am the mask maker 
i am the mask maker 
mad glad bad sad
mad glad bad sad

That Dog

will you watch my black dog
will you watch my black dog
she ain’t got no other home, that dog
she ain’t got no other home, that dog
under my actuarial table
whose hands cast her shape shadow?

will you help my black dog
will you help my black dog
she ain’t got no other home, that dog
she ain’t got no other home, that dog
under my actuarial table
whose hands cast her shape shadow?

will you love my black dog
will you love my black dog

she ain’t got no other home, that dog
she ain’t got no other home, that dog
under my actuarial table
my hands cast her shape shadow
under my actuarial table
my hands cast her shape shadow

White Satin 

future is a fantasy
watch me go there
past is awful filthy
watch me wash my hair
dreaming i am leaving 
watch me
do you dare

i’ll slip on white satin
white satin
white satin gloves

future is a fantasy
watch me go there
past is awful filthy
watch me wash my hair
dreaming i am leaving 
watch me
do you dare

i’ll slip on white satin
white satin
white satin gloves

Boy Magic

on wings of 
hot springs
my love leaps
white stag 
light feet

i see
a firecracker 
boom bam!
baby grand
man of sun
son of man
moon king

he’s magic
boy magic
he’s magic
boy magic

from limbs of 
fruit trees
my boy swings
sings sweet to me
just me
drippin’ and juicy
tangerine
one drop is rare
relief

he’s magic
boy magic
he’s magic
boy magic

i don’t know what magic’s in your eyes
not the kind that can be caught, taught or memorized
i can’t keep on counting hypnotized

on wings of 
hot springs
my love leaps
white stag 
light feet
i see

on wings of 
hot springs
my love leaps
white stag 
light feet

i see
a firecracker 
boom bam!
baby grand
man of sun
son of man
moon king

from limbs of 
fruit trees
my boy swings
sings sweet to me
just me
drippin’ and juicy
tangerine
one drop is rare
relief

Trampoline 

i am so tired
of forcing my will on the unwilling
broke my favorite toys
wish they bended to my bidding
but when i buried them
in my pit of expectations
they bloomed born again 
in a fit of celebration

glory hallelujah i lay my burdens down
glory hallelujah six feet underground

once i realized
we were free all along
i unpried my grip and drift
in an air balloon of song
how far can i stretch my soul
to feel all i can see
empty happy 
i’m a canvas 
i’m a trampoline

glory hallelujah i lay my burdens down
glory hallelujah six feet underground
glory hallelujah i lay my burdens down
glory hallelujah six feet underground

Two of Cups

a boy born no bigger than coconut pie
sailed turquoise waters mango skies
safe as a seashell in his grandpa’s hands
rough yet soft as beds of sand
he grew up with palm trees they taught him how to
take in salt water yet produce sweet fruit
he’ll go back to the ocean when it’s all over
but how we loved life together

who knows the length we’ll last
cupping our crystal glass
too tight it cracks breaks
too weak it slips away

a girl picking fat figs in the hot southern heat
plucks one for the basket and one to eat
under magnolias white cranes and corn
i was baptized in a lighting storm
with catfish called mermaids in muddy waters
far from clean came out whoopin’ and hollerin’
i’ll go back to the river when it’s all over
but how we loved life together

who knows the length we’ll last
cupping our crystal glass
too tight it cracks breaks
too weak it slips away

if he has gone
if i must go
don’t be scared 
to let me know
just tell me softly

i can lift 
a heavy load
if placed upon
my back real slow
just tell me softly

who knows the length we’ll last
cupping our crystal glass
too tight it cracks breaks
too weak it slips away

who knows the length we’ll last
cupping our crystal glass
too tight it cracks breaks
too weak it slips away

Panther Water

i would like a word with that old man
halios geron
he can see the depth of the ocean
i can’t see past my own nose

angel hid me in the sand
angel gave me these commands

if you want to catch a wave lay and wait for its arrival
if you want to catch proteus be still the mud will settle

angel hid me in the sand
angel gave me these commands

if you want to catch a wave lay and wait for its arrival
if you want to catch proteus be still the mud will settle
if you want to catch a wave lay and wait for its arrival
if you want to catch proteus be still the mud will settle

i wrestle the shapeshifter

lion serpent panther water
clawed bitten mauled christened
give me answers 

Two Sisters

i am alive
i’m the big yes
you bet reborn 
each peachy morn
pick a new path
too rash? 
i laugh 

leap rafter to rafter
attic pitter patter
cloud to cloud
look down 
frown fear my fate
slam the brakes
trip drop break

i am the heart
and the mind is my sister
heart and the mind are two sisters

i am dead
i’m the big no
or so i think
i won’t be content
won’t live ’til i get
my goals my gold
hoping to feel
it ain’t really real
let me be free
lighten my load
hit the road
now pronto

i am the mind
and the heart is my sister
heart and the mind are two sisters
heart and the mind are two sisters

dear sister buccaneer
here’s the boat which we must row
so lean back and i’ll be here 
lean forward i will follow 
in this way you won’t fear
today nor i tomorrow

heart and the mind are two sisters
heart and the mind are two sisters
heart and the mind are two sisters
heart and the mind are two sisters

Myopia Utopia

i woke to windows wooed open by wind jilting 
the great green-eyed ocean
of heaving gleaming peacock tails tacked asail
10,000 humpback whales
my bed beneath a canopy
of angel hair organdy
and white morning glories
which climbed 6,000 stories 
of thin air 
without his careful care 
they’d wither surely
a letter to a woman 
prepped with poppy petal potion reads

my butter bean mambo sur pwen supreme 
enjoy my offerings I have prepared a feast
I’ll give you everything forever all you need
just put your trust in me love li grand zombie

do i believe gifts are given benevolently
no strings attaching
do i feel a pea a hundred down pillows deep
or am i imagining
what is this chicanery 
poison must be planned for me
chichi reality

rum cake whiskey wine cigars 
chocolates oils from afar
bliss or bell jar

dear miriam can I trust in him
will he pay my rent 
who is he who tends
this galleria cornucopia 
my myopia utopia

madame miriam’s snake came to me last night licked my ears
said now hear what this sedulous serpent saw 
you crawl in ma’s tabernacle
catechizing her crystal ball
strategizing is not allowed
now i’ve caught you again you bet
i’ll make you my marionette 

i woke to windows wooed open by wind jilting 
the great green-eyed ocean
of heaving gleaming peacock tails tacked asail
10,000 humpback whales

Bayou Chorus

sis called come quick catch the hap hoopla
front the cattails off the swamp banks of bayou paul
cicadas cried sighed squalled like white electric saws
baritone bullfrogs thronged drawled a verse which thawed
our helpless hearts gawked the birth of a faultless fawn
but gator juked yawed swooped snapped shut his tight night jaws
now what we seen can’t be unsaw
oh be unsaw

i feel on the brink 
of the biggest bone
hot on the trail to the deepest trove
but the lock cannot be picked
the screws are simply stripped 
its maker is long gone

our home was loaned to a freelance magician
but the law did call hawk that spellbound foreclosed shotgun
we moved in post flit found a vault hidden
slipped a flat-head in hammering to force its lid to open
our helpless hearts dropped at the thought of gems within

when brother’s mallet thwacked smacked accidentally sealed it fastened
now what we done can’t be undone
oh be undone

i feel on the brink 
of the biggest bone
hot on the trail to the deepest trove
but the lock cannot be picked
the screws are simply stripped 
its maker is long gone

i searched myself like every green morning
come on out i know you’re in there stop all the silly sulking
you called come laud so i shot you dead darlin’
now i’m hoping what i broke can be unbroken

i feel on the brink 
of the biggest bone
hot on the trail to the deepest trove
but the lock cannot be picked
the screws are simply stripped 
its maker is long gone

i do feel
my maker is long gone
long gone

Piñata

sometimes the world’s a piñata to me
i open frantically violently
swollen with brief and bursting beauty 
i swing dumbly i beat blindly 
but sometimes
the sky cries back in pain
grants my tongue one tear of rain
one enormous drop of grace
do you fight for a taste
of your one holy life?

when you leave will you be stolen stubbornly
as if resisting sleep
or will you steal away in peace released 
to your next fantastic dream

sometimes the world is a millstone to me
i wrestle rabidly savagely 
sinking me leagues under leagues under leagues
i’m no Houdini or Hercules 
but sometimes 
i’m bestowed buoyancy
unexpected vivacity
unaffected by gravity
if just for a peek
of my one holy life

when you leave will you be stolen stubbornly
as if resisting sleep
or will you steal away in peace released 
to your next fantastic dream

Hand-Painted Dream Photographs

I. THE CATHEDRAL


yes i bit the bait
but it was only
that it’s beyond me
that larger beings would hide a hook
in tasty trickery
i heard there is a fine line
between love and hate
on which we’re pulled and yanked
and if this is the natural order of things
why does it feel unnaturally mean
?

you said that it seems
i’m a perpetual motion machine
but moon scoops and empties
spring tides of energy
can you help me learn
to release and honor a memory
nothing i love is still
or truly belongs to me
and if I saw my whole life in a reel
would i feel the need
for repeat scenes like snippets of melody?

yes you tamed the lion
yes you tamed the lion
and though my claws and teeth are shining
i don’t like violence
i like the sloshing stream
and humming bees in sunbeams
yes you tamed the lion
yes you tamed the lion
without a cage or binding
with a mirror
i saw much clearer
now i know
we’re not each other’s keepers
not each other’s betters
we’re just sharers
in melody

II. SELF-PORTRAIT BENEATH WOMAN’S MASK


when edvard was five
he asked his sunday school teacher
mrs green can the devil see my thoughts

no no no no no dear
but he can put ‘em there
no no no no no dear
but he can stick ‘em there
so if you have a nightmare
just smile
he won’t know you care
and when you have a nightmare
don’t show fear 


when edvard was sixteen
he beamed
through the flap of a mask
whether cross or sad
his mouth cracked
in a half laugh
he never ever showed a weak spot
dissipating with a drip-drop
he thought

does the lord know which are my thoughts?
and how do i prove i’m not a bad boy?
how do i tell my girl i need her?
it’s not
not like i’m crazy

lips curved sharp
as a reaping scythe
separating
what is combed and what’s inside
she sewed his head with thread last night
and gingerly sunk
a needle in his pride

he said
no no no no no dear
please don’t touch me there
no no no no no dear
please touch me
‘cause just because the light’s out
it don’t mean
don’t mean that I don’t care
and even though the light’s out
i’m still here


III. LADY LAZARUS

i follow i follow i follow i follow

what a lazy languid slouch
of my stature said the mouse
he misdeamed a teeming bend
impending crouch in shedded skin
as a corn kernel quivers
when heat waves shiver
my tailored temper
now knows better


pied piper shucked me
free
shouted VIPER!
in the symphony
and the music stopped
i watched the people scream
including me 


now i’m a chicken among angels
wings upon a rooted tree
and while they soar effortlessly
i burn to ash
and grasp the breeze

broke my knees
shouted VIPER!
in the symphony
and the music stalls
i crawl
they clap and scream
it’s all for me 

i follow i follow i follow i follow

IV. THE TWO FRIDAS

i found my baby crow inside a telephone
tiny tin can home
i tugged the other end connected to its twin
then i spoke
i can tame you
i will name you
i won’t let you go
don’t go
don’t
don’t go
an unfitted connection
a blackbird and a woman
my unrequited pet reflection
but harmless it was

i walked eggshells barefoot
yelled why the weight
i’ve found that whether pounds of rock or feather
it hits the ground with equal tether 
mock it 
call it crow
what’s big or bad about it?
a word is what we put upon it 


heavy on the bluebird wire
a million voice amplifier
runs right through you
heard the air is light
so glad to feel the frost bite
chitter chatter tap dance
with a bitter aftertaste
when the talk’s done
how ‘bout some self-love
and if we’re in a bad mood
it’s on a full moon
karma has a habit
being melodramatic
and slightly sarcastic
it ate
then flew away

so quiet
now you’ve learned
baby scavenger
we’ll take what we can get
scraps we pulled
polar directions
the cord snapped
should have left it
still i spoke
i won’t let you
let you go

whether pounds of rock or feather
it hits the ground with equal tether
mock it
call it crow
what’s big or bad about it?
a word is what we put upon it
i walked eggshells barefoot
yelled why the weight
i’ve found that whether pounds of rock or feather
it hits the ground with equal tether

deliriously
i walked across a rickety beam
grey drone
clogged throat
couldn’t speak but you said you’d help me
up a ladder
an eiffel alter
where prayers are answered
and i was almost
i was al—
i was al—
almost there
but wheeled from underneath
no feat’s fair on stilts
you reached
for what was most precious to me
said we need money money money
but don’t tell anybody
descend sweetly
hide a meaning
shove a feeling
under under

then crow walked in
my doppelganger
eager twin
watched me swallow our key
was it disgusting
tell me ulysses
of self-shackled wanting
of paradisiacal purity obscene
i clutched it gently
then ripped apart its body
and i took away its longing
and i can hide a meaning
and i can shove a feeling
under under
and i can make a living
eating what’s given
not listening
la la la la la la la

V. HOPE II

those were boiling boundless nights
where words were whips with appetite
i hissed bit coddled
and toddled into dawn’s light
my satin slip
into a red rose morning
shoved me sailing
sent me soaring
AWOL outlawed
feckless fate
was sleeping
snoring


cora
i dreamed you were awake
and you criss-crossed my heart
with finger paint
were you abandoned?
do you wait?
cora
can a girl be your mother?
i slide through stops
like a seal on butter
i’m a home-bound ship
with an awry rudder

i don’t look back
my day’s blind dates
shameless dirt
i sift and shake
whistle while we pan for gold
from my core i take take
but take my word
one day i’ll give it up
i’ll walk without that cocky crutch
i will follow flowers
who bloom brightly
and quietly shut

the bigger my ego
the smaller my world
BIG EGO
small world
BIG EGO
small world

cora
i dreamed you were awake
and you criss-crossed my heart
with finger paint
were you abandoned?
do you wait?
cora
can a girl be your mother?
i slide through stops
like a seal on butter
i’m a home-bound ship
with an awry rudder

those were boiling boundless nights
where words were whips with appetite
we hissed bit coddled
and toddled into dawn’s light
my satin slip
into a red rose morning
shoved me sailing
sent me soaring
AWOL outlawed
feckless fate
was sleeping
snoring

VI. FOX AT THE AEGEAN

blue
blue leaves
raked my body
face up downstream
a vein to heart’s sea

when sleepwalking
all is routine
but when we’re dreaming
all is yearning
lately death scenes
what does that mean

i wake
shut my eyes
start walking
i don’t want to hear
truth or lies
stop talking  


when sleepwalking 
all is routine
when i’m dreaming
all is yearning
lately death themed 
what does that mean

when sleepwalking
all is routine
when we’re dreaming
all is yearning
i am ready
said fox to sea 


i said
that boy is dead
destroyed
no bye
you hate me
so why not leave me
i cried
you showed me a mirror
said repeat that to her
to see it’s you
not me
a true enemy 


coffee hit me
scent of chicory
you were brewing
and i was moving and thinking
seeing syncing
my heart eyes mind
intertwined
by love
for you

VII. SHE TOUCHED THE HEM OF HIS GARMENT

i was stretching
stretching to touch the hem
like a taut rubber band
twelve years i’ve bled for it
slower than a sin’s repent

i split two turtle doves
one from fear and one for love
i gave an unclean offering
i thought it would heal me 


i think he said
i think you know
it’s not the touch
it’s letting go
though chase was fit
and stretch was fine
it was release
that fixed your mind
let it go


like mosquitoes and stardust
people thronged full of lust
jealous me
impetuous parasite
craving host 


we were thinking we’re half a whole
two magnets polar and blind
but darling i’m a full round bowl
and the whole world’s in my mind
i’ll let you go
if drought has drained you to almost dry
then give out all that you have
pour it in the roaring sea
and when it rains you’ll laugh
let love grow
let love flow


everything is in cycles
carbon clocks
karma cash
you will push
then you’ll be pulled
the desperate learn fast
let it go


VIII. VOICE OF THE VOICELESS

dear sir supervenience
thank you for the lenience
to impose my superiority
over the majority
for i am man
hear me roar!
i made an assembly line
to grind
my guns and gore

one century one score
one decade seven years ago
freedom meant equality
in happy opportunity
with our articulating tongues
and our opposing well-formed thumbs
we used a language and a pen
to say no more oppression
but for those with different tools
we’ll make exceptions
saying ten sometimes equals ten
and sometimes equals zero
and humans are sometimes tools
and sometimes animals
which are almost always tools

a tool is made
made to behave

thou shalt love me
kill build work die
all for me
sound familiar?
are we god or nature?
i got a big fear of being nothing
so i made you suffer
for my suffering 


dear god of convenience
thank you for your lenience
to enforce my superiority
over the minority
for I am man 
hear me roar! 
i made an assembly line 
to grind 
my guns and gore

IX. THE SHIP

i know it wasn’t coincidence
or an accident
or ill-wished
i see orchestration in this
and i know pleasing it is
playing on a train track
it’s the calm before a heart attack
grinning gone before you know it

but i don’t even like the will to write
i didn’t like the angry drive
and when i said slow down
it was for this
not the innocent
though i’ll always have laments
i’m done with death
i paid my debts
i did my best
decorating a wreck 

but this is not my fantasy
weaving tinsel through debris
sugar can’t grow
from seeds sown salty
in the sea
brought by wind and beast
i refuse to sink

grieve not for mr. guilt
or he’ll extend his stay
give him not one drop of wine
or he’ll take everything
sorrow glumly comes and goes
his respects we pay 
but mr. guilt’s a starving beast
he eats he cries
he spills he breaks
a wall is not a fist and
no a shield is not a sword
i cannot our crimes forget
a disconcerting hole
i hear you in the hyacinths
moaning to the door
but all is hushed inside our home
what are you begging for

i don’t even like what I must write
cursing at the ebbing tide 
for when i said slow down
it pounced upon in rush
to be unwound
wrapped and washed
my hands and face
slid about like netting snakes 
recoiling back 
it took my clothes my hair my time my faith

i know that this is not a fantasy
weaving tinsel through debris
sugar can’t grow
from seeds sown salty
in the sea
brought by wind and beast
i refuse to sink

brimming now up to the neck
this wreck is heaven sent
and I’ll be stronger stronger stronger
now with song
as if with child
good or bad
you’ll be mine
and I’ll be stronger stronger stronger

i know that this is not my fantasy
weaving tinsel through debris
sugar can’t grow
from seeds sown salty
in the sea
brought by wind and beast
i refuse 
 


X. FLAMING JUNE

no pain no struggle
she-devils
frisky bite-sized kittens
caught in risk
and dancing in doubles
smooth supple
turned winked blinked tripped
right into trouble

restless
reckless
sunrise
sunset
apple hair
like mars or bricks
sweet heart
with panoramic hips
flaming june
burst and swooned
dopamine proved to be
much too crude

and now we sit and say
asleep or dead
i don’t know
i don’t know
where what why i i i
i don’t know

i said won’t you come
come and play
i’ve been waiting
days upon days

no pain no struggle
she-devils
frisky bite-sized kittens
caught in risk
and dancing in doubles
smooth supple
turned winked blinked tripped
right into trouble

hung inside a warm cocoon
and swinging like a sunk balloon
it was we
you awkwardly cut into
hallelujah
grown to only half at best
clumsy chrysalis
with a faulty compass
hallelujah

we crawled up
to the levy side
you and i
sailed into the river tide
and i have never seen a thicker orange
like thickets of thorns
the monarchs swarmed
the heather light
a beautiful fight
and I lied
and I lied
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah

XI. THE LOVERS I

left hand hiding
slipping
slipping
second hand nervous
ticking
ticking


jack is nimble
jack is slick
jack has nicked the candlestick
the sandpaper touch of rubber-tongued words
licked like a sunburnt kiss 


slowly sucking honeysuckle
wanting more than tiny
dew-drop tug-o’-wars
climbing to the higher branches
she saw sweetness
he saw blisters

he never feels he’s won
it’s a see-saw game
so i’ve been tumbling after ambition
it was once such a good friend
now

jill is proper
jill is prim
jill is lovely out and in
i’m high strung
black as her
string of pearls
cold as a winter’s wind


jack fell down
and broke his crown
and jill fell after him
and though he landed in my arms
the consequences never
never seem to end

i never feel i’ve won
it’s a see-saw game
so ive been tumbling after ambition
it was once such a good friend
now
it’s always up or down
it’s a see-saw game
so i’ve been tumbling after ambition
he was once such a good friend
now



XII. THE LOVERS II

you know i’d love to think

that we were galloping free
full speed
ripping through the dirt like tumbleweed
but I woke up
filled up with the carousel blues
i didn’t choose
this song
this course
this silly horse
going round and round and round

and judging from astronomy
the earth is getting
dizzy tipsy
flung between
the stars
and everyone
has come to sift the stars
out from the gutter
lucky one remember
that the point of games
is fun

this game of hide and seek
was fun
i lost but i was found
i won one more time
promise you’ll hide inside my arms
this time